Joseph's birth story

Okay, so I have had some people ask me about Joseph since I didn't post his birth story on here back when he was born. I was looking around thinking I could just copy and paste a bunch of emails or journal entries but it turns out I haven't written the whole thing down yet. I guess it's about time. You'll need a lot of time to get through this one- it's a doozy.


Joseph Wayne Morgan was born on April 19th at around 6:30pm. It was all a little unexpected since he wasn't due until May 6th and I've been late with most of my others. I had planned very well and thought and prayed about how I was to have this baby. I had very easy births and knew I was a great candidate for going to a midwife at a birthing center. I was very particular about who I wanted though. I had looked around when I was pregnant with Eric but there were only Mindwives, not Certified Nurse Midwives, in my area. This time I found one about 40 minutes away away and loved her! She had worked in L&D for 20 years and spent time in the NICU after that. Being a CNM, she could write prescriptions should I need them as well. I was very comfortable with her. I was trying to act normal the whole time but I later told Peter that I had a feeling the entire time that I would not be able to deliver there. He said he had those same feelings.

Everything was going very well throughout the pregnancy and I was feeling great. Then at about 6 weeks until the due date I noticed my feet really swelled up (I thought they were huge). I called Betty and she said not to worry but to drink lots of water and put my feet up as much as I could. I did those things. At my next appointment I noticed my usually really low blood pressure had gone up some. I was usually 100/60 and it was somewhere around 120/74. Still good for most people though. The next week I came back and my pressure was up higher. I think it was in the 150's/90. Too high- especially for me. I was totally swollen too and had trace amounts of protein in my urine. Betty said to be on bed rest on my side for the next 2 days and come back. The baby was doing fine and was in a good position. Let her know bout headaches that won't go away and watch for swelling in face and hands. At this point, it's hard to tell on yourself if you're swollen or not- I already was but didn't realize it until after the swelling went away. I told Peter once during that 2 days that I thought the baby did a somersault or something. That worried me too. I HATED bed rest and that was just for 2 days. Boring! Peter was a doll and stayed home from school to make sure I didn't do anything. He had fianls coming up the week that the baby was due so he was very busy with his studies. I love that man. The night before I was supposed to go back to see Betty I woke up at about 11pm with horrible pains. It was almost like heartburn but it didn't go away. I went downstairs so I wouldn't wake up Peter and because I couldn't lay in that bed anymore. It didn't go away. I thought maybe this is a weird labor pain or something. It really hurt! And it was in the top of my belly, not down low like it was supposed to be. It just felt wrong though. I called and called but it took Peter about 10 minutes to wake up. He came down and rubbed my back for me. Then he started timing things. I'd have that pain and it would last a full 5 minutes and only be 2 minutes apart. Yeah, it hurt. I called Betty and she said to come in if I wanted to. I thought I'd wait around for a while longer. I did call my mom though and she came and slept here. About an hour later- it all went away.

I went and saw Betty late the next morning. Peter came with me. We had packed everything we might need the night before so it was all with us, just in case. My protein levels had really jumped in just 2 days and my blood pressure was even higher. I think now it was in the 160's/99 or 100. I also had a headache at this point and she saw that my swelling was REALLY bad at this point. She said she had never seen someone with it this bad- all over before. Betty told me about HELLP syndrome at the point and that she was afraid I was in the first stages of it. The gastric pain I had the night before was most likely my liver. When I heard my blood pressure numbers I knew I was doomed to be at the hospital. She checked on the baby and said she thought he felt like he might be sideways. The ultrasound tech was there that day and she had him take a look. Yep, Joseph was in a U shape. Head and Butt both up by my ribs and the middle of his back was down. Nice. She told me to go lay down on the couch and that I had to go to the hospital. She was going to try and contact her back-up physician. Peter and I had to decide if we wanted to go to a hospital near our home or if we wanted to use the Dr she knew. My old Dr had since moved out of the state. I was afraid of getting reamed or badly treated because of my choice to use a midwife as well. We decided to go with someone Betty trusted. She was with a patient but would meet us at the hospital. Betty was under the impression that I would most likely have a c-section because of the position of the baby and my current condition.

When we got there I had to wait a long time to see the Dr- meanwhile tehy were prepping my for surgery. I asked if they were going to try a version and an induction first. The Dr. finally came and explained that she wasn't even going to attempt a version because with my blood pressure that high the vessels attaching the placenta are more likely to break and we didn't want a placental abruption. So I was going to have a C-section for sure. Start the waterworks and the fear. I was started on a drip of magnesium sulfate to stop any seizures I might have and they took some blood- lots. They had a ton of trouble doing it too. That was fun. The anesthesiologist came and told me that my iron was really low- it was a 7. He said it's usually a 14 or 15. That is one of the symptoms of HELLP- your red blood cells get shredded. So I had to have 1 until of blood just before surgery and 1 during. Next came the dreaded epidural. He said it was really difficult because even my back was terribly swollen. After 2 tries- yes 2- he had it. Peter was dressed and I was wheeled back to the OR. They tried to put an oxygen mask on my but I get so claustrophobic that they took it off and put a tube in my nose with oxygen instead. Much better. I was really worried that my claustrophobia would get to me on the operating table with a big sheet in front of my face. I told Peter to just keep talking to me. They don't have to trap your arms down or anything thank goodness but I did have to keep them out to the side. I know at one point during the surgery they said to speed up the bag of blood- nice. It felt like someone was jumping on my stomach. It was unbelievable pressure. Joseph was born at 6:30 pm and was 7lbs 10oz. Our smallest yet. I can't imagine how big he would have been had he been on time. They didn't put him on my chest or anything. I saw him over the sheet. Then they finally gave him to Peter who got to hold him. He brought him over so I could kiss him. I was glad he was fine but upset that I couldn't hold him. Joseph (he wasn't named at this point) was crying very nicely for both of us. I was stitched up and taken back to the room I was in before- not recovery yet. I had to stay laying on my back while the finished the magnesium drip so when I tried to nurse him, it wasn't very successful. we knew Peter had to go home so that he could get the kids the things they needed for my parent's house. I wished he didn't have to go but I knew he had to. He also had school the next day and he was stuck between a rock and a hard place because I wanted him there and he wanted to be there but this was his last semester and he'd already missed a lot of school that week. We both wish we could go back and do things differently.

I had to go up to the High Risk unit for 24 hours and stay on an IV of magnesium sulfate. The good thing- I had my own room. I learned that you have to SHARE rooms in this hospital. I didn't think they did that anymore. Of the 3 other hospitals I've delivered at, I never had to share a room. The bad part about being on that floor was that my baby- still had no name- couldn't room in with me. I wasn't allowed to hold him without a nurse or family member present. This is getting really long! I'll finish up with a post from my journal:

Okay, I can sit in this chair for a little while but then I need to put my feet back up! I can't believe the swelling just won't go away. I think I'll take a picture so you can see how wierd it looks. It looks to me like soemone put some rubber legs/feet on me, lol. It's still kind of surreal that I had a c-section and have a baby already. I NEVER thought he would be this early. I don't think he like to sleep in the dark though. I'm sleeping on the couch right now because our bed is lower than is comfortable for me to get in and out of at night. Peter moved the bassinet downstairs for me until I feel like I can sleep in our bed again- not that the couch is all that great either but the recliners aren't that bad if the couch isn't working for me. Whenever I get Joseph all ready for bed and settle him in, the TV is on for me to see by. So I get back to where I'm going to sleep and turn the TV off and he starts to fuss. Silly boy. He sleeps really well during the day though. I'd sleep with him on my chest but then I can't get up. It takes a lot of maneuvering to get in the right position so that I can sit up without hurting and holding Joseph at the same time doesn't owrk very well. There are so many frustrating things about a c-section that I can't imagine anyone electing to have one. Although I think it would have been easier had I actually PLANNED on it and been somewhat prepared. Sarah is a great help but even she can't lift Eric into his crib at nap and bedtime when Peter is at school so my mom has been a great help there. The ladies in my ward are brining dinners in for a week which is also a big help. I started to cry last night because I was remembering how things were right after Joseph was delivered. I didn't get to hold him for a really long time. Peter had him and brought him so I could see him and after I got back to the recovery room they said I could try and nurse him if I wanted to but they wouldn't let me sit up at all because of some of the IV's that needed to finish up and how I needed to be laying down for those to finish so nursing didn't really work that first time. Then they took me up to the High Risk OB floor and told me I wouldn't be allowed to room in with the baby or have him there with me at all unless someone else was there as well. So my parents had the kids and couldn't come be with me the next day and Peter had to go to his classes in the morning and then get everything the kids needed for my parent's house and didn't come up to the hospital (which ended up being more than an hour away) until very late afternoon, almost dinner time. So that whole day, the day that you are supposed to be bonding with your baby, I got to see him about 4 times to try and nurse him and then the nurse would have to go do something else and away he would go. It was the saddest day. Plus I was loopy because of the magnesium- there is nothing like that- wow. Joseph had trouble nursing that first day. I'm not surprised because we weren't ever given much time to try it and it was always with someone looking over my shoulder- or boob as the case may be. The nurse who always brought him had no tact at all and the first time I was trying to get Joseph to latch on, she reaches over, grabs my boob and starts maneuvering it and the babies head. I literally had to PRY her hand away from me and said thank you, I've nursed 4 other children, I can handle it. She looked shocked that I would be upset and I'm sure I made her a little nervous but come on! At least ask if I would like some help first! He nursed great when everyone would just leave us alone but if someone is standing there waiting to see if I could get him to latch on, it just didn't work- we were too uptight. I still can't believe she just reached over and grabbed my boob. Uh, it's still a private part of my body, even if it does have a practical function! Can you tell I'm still a little upset about the whole thing?
I'm just trying to write some things as I think of them. Every time the nurses checked my incision site they commented on how bruised I was and no ownder I was hurting so much and what in the world did they do to me? I guess there isn't usually that much visible bruising. My midwife thinks it was because I had so much edema and was just more easily bruised. My whole belly is a nice greenish color right now. When the nurse was taking my staples out the day I went home she found some that had turned upside down! Normally they come right out- no prob and most of them were totally painless. Those few though, she had to manipulate and turn back over so the prongs were facing down again before she could get them out- that was fun.
On a wonderful note- Joseph and I are here and healthy thanks to a great caregiver who knew when to send me in. Sure I wish it had gone differently but I keep telling myself that now if my daughters or my sisters have to go through anything like this, I've been there and can try and help them out some. Joseph is such a cute baby and I'm going to try and put a picture up here sometime soon. Now to go put these club feet of mine up somewhere!

This is from exactly one week after Joseph was born.

I got to check out the OB department of the new hospital in town for the last 2 nights. I wasn't feeling quite right on Thursday night and my midwife told me to go to the ER. I did NOT want to go but my mom and Peter wouldn't have it any other way so I went to appease them. Turns out it was a good thing. My blood level was down to 6.3. Before I had my c-section it was a 7 and they gave me 2 units of blood at that time. I don't know how it went down so low again or what will keep it from getting there again. So I got admitted, they let me keep Joseph with me thank goodness. I was given 2 units of blood, some demoral and phenergan for pain and a headache that wouldn't quit (they tell me I said some very wierd things that night). My blood pressure was high again as well at 168/114. So the next day I was ready to go home, had the discharge papers in hand and they took my vitals one more time and then took the papers away and told me I would be staying another night. Lovely. MY blood pressure had gone back up. I still had the headache too. This morning my headache had finally gone away and my blood pressure is still just as high but it is okay when they take it if I'm laying on my left side so they let me come home. I'm confused about that- it is more accurate on your side? I know it's supposed to go down when you are on your left side but what would make them send me home when it's still high otherwise? Anyway- Still no headache so that's good. I'll be seeing the doc that did the section next week so hopefully she'll have some answers. I am now on a blood pressure medication which didn't lower it while I was in the hospital so I'm not sure what good that is doing. I'm also taking 3 iron pills a day so maybe I won't need to have any more transfusions! I'm tired of being away from home and just want things to hurry up and get back to normal!

It is crazy isn't it? I'm feeling much better now so hopefully things are on the upswing. My ward is giving us meals for another week too which will help a ton. Peter is showing what a champ he is and realyl stepping up to the plate and the kids are all doing just fine with him taking care of them on his own so much. I'm really blessed to have him. I feel really bad for him though because all this came up with school at a critical point. He failed a quiz last week and has finals next week. Luckily he's been a great student up to this point and his professors are being really understanding. Joseph is a great easy baby so far (although he likes to be awake at night- go figure) so that makes things easier too. I'm just hoping that was the last of the problems and now we can get on with things!

May 8-
Well, I guess I'm going through some of the grieving process. Today I realized that I'm really mad about the whole c-section thing. There wasn't anything I could do to prevent it and it was realyl the only option at the time. I'm realizing that I had a very severe case and probably should have been seizing already and that it was a good thing to do. Knowing all of that doesn't stop me from being mad right now though. I'm mostly mad at this dang recovery. It really stinks and is super hard. I never knew how much I used my stomache muscles. I didn't know that many women stay numb at their incision site and to the sides of it forever because of damage to nerves. I hurt getting in and out of bed, getting up and sitting down, bending over, walking, going to the bathroom, pretty much everything hurts. It's not as painful as that first week but it is still painful and after this long with a normal delivery I would be feeling much better. I can't cuddle with Eric unless someone puts him on my lap. I'm still hurting about that first day after Joseph was born and I didn't get to keep him with me. I'm getting stir crazy because I can't go anywhere unless someone takes me and where would I go anyway? It hurts to get in the van anyway because it is higher than my legs want to go at this point. I'm feeling very whiney and I'm sure my family is tired of hearing about it. Joseph slept until 5 this morning so that was a great blessing and he's such a good baby. I try to count my blessings but even nursing is hard because of the pressure it puts on my incision area if I nurse my usual way. Luckily he likes the football hold and the boppy helps out somewhat with that too. I can't see this being all better in another 3 1/2 weeks but I'm sure hoping. I still do not know how someone can choose to have a c-section if they have more than one child- and especially a toddler! I have to plan so much around who is here to help at nap or bedtime because Eric is still in his crib and I can't put him there. Meals aren't so bad because he can eat anywhere but it's nice to have him in his high chair. The meals have stopped coming and I didn't expect to have Joseph arrive that early so I didn't have freezer meals ready. Peter asked me what I'd feel like cooking this week and I just laughed at him. He isn't here tonight because of a final so we're having hot dogs. I think I can manage that much anyway. I feel like I'm a week or more behind because of the still existing pre-eclampsia, and the extra return to the hospital in that first week. I do feel like I'm improving but I'm still pretty emotionally bent out of shape I think. I don't feel depressed but I'm watching out for it. Just mad right now. Thanks for letting me whine!


So, that's the gist of how it went! Do you know I was so swollem that I lost 30lbs by the time I went in at 4 weeks for a follow-up? I would do it all again and more if I had to for Joseph. Oh we named him 20 minutes before we left the hospital. Joseph Wayne hadn't even been discussed as an option before but that's who he is!!




Now it's September and he is 5 months old. He's scooting around and has just cut his first tooth. I'm completely recovered as far as I can tell. Even the memory of recovery isn't so bad. The actual hospital stay still hurts when I think about it and I hate to think of that first day when I didn't really get to hold him but he doesn't seem any worse off for it. IF (huge if by the way) we ever decide to have another child, I will probably opt for a repeat section. At first I didn't even think about it but I was so psychologically hurt with the emergency c-section and I don't want to go through the emergency aspect of it again. I'd rather just plan on it and not be disappointed again if things don't go the way I want for a VBAC. Might sound like a cop-out and might be but it's what I'm thinking for now. That's subject to change of course. I'm notorious for changing my mind ;)