Joseph now
Scary claustrophobic moment
My guy holding our guy
Not a happy camper
I love how babies curl up!
Angelic isn't he?
Joseph's birthday is coming up fast! He will be 1 on Saturday. This year has just flown by. I usually try to wait until the child's birthday and post the birth story as I remember it but this weekend will be busy so I'm going to give myself a head start. I may or may not finish it in this one post. It's stinkin' long and while there is some info you may not want to know, it was a C-section so there won't be THAT kind of TMI, lol. I was going to just save myself some time and copy it from last year but I think I remember it differently now and it would be interesting (for me) to see the differences. I know I was pretty upset and messed up when I wrote it last year and I'm much more accepting of it all now (not completely, but it HAS only been a year).
A year ago, baby 5 was due to be born on May 6, and we expected him to be a week later because that's the way things usually went and I always figured it was better to expect a baby to be late and be pleasantly surprised if we were lucky enough to have the baby on time. Early didn't really even cross my mind. With my previous births I had epidurals and things went so smoothly. So smoothly in fact that I decided to go with a midwife at a birthing center. I was very excited and preparing myself for this.
I never had the swelling that some women experience in my pregnancy so when my feet started to blow up, it was kind of gradual and I wasn't sure if I had really just gotten that fat or if my feet were swelling. I was pretty sure it was swelling though. I talked to my midwife about it on the phone and she stressed that I stop wearing my heels all the time, drink lots of water, and keep my feet up. I remember at my next visit, I thought my blood pressure was a little high for me. It was usually around 100/60 and this was 124/74. Still fine but high for me and that was really unusual. The next week, I had some protein in my urine, not good, and was so swollen. My hands didn't seem to be very swollen though. I could take my ring off with no problem. Hands and face seem to be what they worry the most about though. Well, my face was swollen but it was hard to tell at that point because it was so gradual. My blood pressure was much higher though. 150's/90. I was also having headaches. So I was put on bedrest and told to come back a couple of days later for a re-check. At least the baby was in a good position though! Peter was pretty worried and confined me to my bed. Betty-my midwife- had stressed to him that I be in BED, not on the couch where I would be tempted to help with something. BORING. Oh, it was terrible. I really feel for you women who had to be on bedrest for months. Two days was horrible! Peter took time off of school and stayed with me. Peter had finals coming soon and was such a sweetheart. He really knows how to take care of me. That night I felt the baby rolling big time and was afraid he'd turned around.
The night before my re-check I started having horrible pains. It wasn't like any kind of contraction I'd ever had. It was so hard to breath at all and it lasted forever. There was no gradual coming and going. I went downstairs to walk around because laying down was horrible. It got so bad and I started to worry because it just wasn't right. So I yelled for Peter for at least 5 minutes- more like 10- before he heard me and came out. He got his watch and they would last 5 minutes with less than 2 between them. But, these weren't normal so I wasn't sure what to do. The pain was up high on top of my belly. Betty said to come in if I wanted to but that there was another lady there and I didn't want to go in that early in the process anyway. We packed everything we would need for the delivery though, just in case. After about an hour, the pain went away and I went back to bed.
Early the next morning we dropped the kids off at my parents and went to see Betty. My protein levels had jumped and my blood pressure was 160's/100 now. I told her about my pains and she was worried about HELLP syndrome. She said it was probably my liver that was hurting and that she thought I was in the first stages of HELLP. Great. She said she had never seen someone this swollen before and that there was even swelling on my belly. She checked the baby and he seemed okay- only she thought he might be sideways now! Great. Lucky for us the ultrasound tech was there that day and he had a peek. Yes. The baby was back down, head and feet up. Lovely. I knew when she told me my blood pressure numbers that I would not be having this baby in the birthing center. Actually I think I knew that all along. I had a feeling during the whole pregnancy that I wouldn't get the birth I wanted. I still cried. I was so scared of a c-section. She called her collaborative OBGYN and I had to go straight to the hospital. I was hoping that they may be able to turn the baby and induce me but I think I was just dreaming at this point.
I could have gone to a hospital closert to home but I wanted to go with someone that Betty trusted because my old Dr had moved out of state and I didn't want to be harped on my a Dr about going to a midwife in the middle of all of this- especially since this had nothing to do with me going to a midwife. So I ended up in Dallas- an hour away from anyone. If I knew then what I knew now, I probably would have just come to the one close to home. I can take a little flack for more comfort and family close by.
Well, I got to the hospital and they sent me to the OR prep room. Not a good sign. I asked if they were going to attempt a version (turning the baby) and the Dr explained that she wasn't even going to attempt it with my high blood pressure and the bad shape that I was in (I think everyone was trying to be calm and I was worse off than I thought). Turning the baby when my blood vessels are so strained could cause placenta abruptia and that is bad. So, I would be having a c-section. I cried again.
I was started on a drip of magnesium sulfate- that stuff is some strong bad stuff- to stop seizures. They also took a ton of blood and had a ton of trouble doing it too. The anesthesiologist came in and told me my blood level was horribly low and I'd need a unit of blood before the surgery and one during. I guess it was supposed to be at a 14 or 15 to be considered "normal" and mine was a 7 which is usually when they give normal people a transfusion, let alone someone going into surgery. That is another symptom of HELLP. Next came the epidural. I hate those. I didn't want one in the first place and now I had to have one. I hate needles- especially really long ones that they stick in your spine. He said he had never seen someone's back so swollen before and it was hard for him to find my spine to put the needle in. It took him 2 tries to get it in the right spot. Yes, I had to go through it twice. So they got some more blood in me and Peter was dressed and ready to go and I guess I was too. They put an oxygen mask on me and I pleaded with them to get rid of it. I am slightly claustrophobic and was already nervous that I would panic during surgery with a big sheet in my face and not being able to move and the mask just made it worse. So we traded it for tubes in my nose and off we went.
Once in the OR they started wiping iodine everywhere and I could see my reflection in the big light over the table and thought I may get to watch the whole thing but they moved it at the last moment and thankfully I was spared the opportunity- I wasn't sure I was going to say anything. I did fine and didn't freak out. I thought about it but Peter and the anesthesiologist's assisitant kept me talking and I did okay. Talk about pressure though! I swear the Dr was having the hardest time getting the baby out. It felt like she was jumping on my or something. Later I found out that I have the largest uterus she's ever seen and that while they usually take it OUT OF YOUR BODY- !!!!- to sew it up, mine was too heavy so she had to do it while it was still in me. Whew! That's where it should stay in my opinion.
They lifted up a little messy baby in perfect shape at 6:30. A boy who at 2 1/2 weeks early weighed 7lbs 10oz. I wonder how big he would have been if he was on time! He was my smallest baby by 1oz. Peter brought him over so I could kiss him but I really wanted to hold him. Badly. The baby was crying really well and kept crying for a long time after. We hadn't yet decided on a name- he was early after all.
After I was all stitched up, they took me back to the room I was in before surgery to finish the magnesium drip. I had to stay laying on my back too so our first attempt at nursing was not very successful. We knew Peter needed to go home soon to get things for the other kids. He also had school the next morning and really needed to be there. I wanted him with me of course and it was hard being so far away from everyone. I had to be on the Mag for 24 hours and as long as I was on that, they wouldn't leave the baby with me because it is some seriously wicked stuff. So I got to hold my baby whenever the dumb nurse could bring him to me. It stunk big time. I think I cried most of the time I was there. Joseph wouldn't nurse very well. Usually I get some privacy to get the hang of it again and this time it was all different because my stomache hurt so badly with even a tiny baby on it. I could hardly move. I guess all the swelling made everything worse and I was all black and blue with bruises from the surgery. Every time a nurse would check the incision she would say "what did they DO to you???" You know how they push on the uterus to make sure it is shrinking, sometimes massaging it? Yeah, my first nurse tried that and it killed me. She had a tough time finding it though so she called another one in. This nurse actually said to me "Brace yourself, this is going to hurt." I held on to the bars and screamed. She just jammed her hand on me. Not even trying to be gentle. She was not allowed near me again as far as I was concerned. Can I just say that morphine is wonderful stuff. It works so quickly- just not long enough. The first nurse that gave it to me right after surgery shot it right into my IV drip all at once and left right away. It burned so badly I called her back to ask her about it. She said, yes, it did that. So when I was asked later if I wanted more I told this nurse that I wasn't sure it was worth it for how badly it hurt going in. Later I called her back to get it anyway (did you know you can have gas bubbles in your SHOULDER?? I think that was one of the most painful parts of the whole thing). She put it in slowly and it didn't hurt at all. She said, you just have to do it slowly. How mean of that first nurse!!
When it was finally time to move me, and I was finally allowed to try and walk for the first time and just about fainted so they had to wheel me everywhere. Apparently I was green, lol. I was finally able to go down to the recovery rooms and be with the baby. Unfortunately, this hospital also has rooms you have to share. I'd never been in a hospital like that before. It wasn't fun. So this was Saturday and Peter brought the kids to see me. I was too weak to visit very long and the kept wanting to jump up on the bed so they didn't stay long but it was soo good to see them. I enjoyed my quiet time with Joseph and he got used to nursing now that we could be left alone. He lost almost a pound but I managed to keep them from supplementing with formula. The next day I would be going home. I didn't think I would be ready but I wanted to go home so badly I didn't care. I felt so weak though. I tried to take a shower Sunday morning and almost fainted again. I had to ring for help and they had to wheel me back out because I couldn't walk. I don't know how they thought I was ready to go home and why they didn't check my blood first. I was still swelling. I guess that's normal for after surgery so no one but me was worried. My blood pressure was also still through the roof and no one was worried. They just said it should come down soon. I was put on some meds and after the staples were removed, was sent home. That was interesting. Some of the staples had actually turned upside down so the prongs were sticking out instead of in and had to be turned all the way around on the way out. That didn't feel good. We still hadn't named the baby! Usually the records dept is hounding us by now for the birth certificate. We ended up calling them because they hadn't even brought us the info yet. She said they close for the day in 15 minutes and we need to do it before we leave. No pressure! Peter came up with Joseph- out of the blue- and it was perfect. I though it sounded good with Wayne- my Dad's name- and I walked myself down there, holding the wall all the while to fill out the paperwork. Even now I'm surprised I made it.
The ride home was excruciating. I felt every bump. Who knew you used your stomach muscles so much just riding in the car?
My ward really helped us out. They brought delicious meals every night that week and the next. My mom came over every day that Peter was in school to help feed everyone and put Eric in his crib for his nap. He wasn't 2 yet and was having a hard time with my not being able to lift him. I tried to sleep in my bed but it wasn't working out. I couldn't get up from it in my condition. So I slept on the couch for about a month. It was easier to get in and out of and I had to do that often. It had been a week now and I wasn't feeling any better. At all. In fact I was feeling worse. I was still trying to deny it though. I wasn't sure how I should be feeling anyway after all of this. I took Joseph in to the Dr on Friday and the nurse looked at me funny, almost scared, and asked if I was going to be okay. She told me how pale I looked. I said I was fine, that I'd just had a c-section and I'd be okay. At a later visit she told me a lady had recently been in there looking just like me and had bled out all over in the bathroom. Joseph was looking great and growing well. No worries. He was such a good baby!
Later I was having some chest pain and bad headaches and my blood pressure was still high but it was when they sent me home so I wasn't sure what I should be looking for. I called Betty and she told me it looked like I needed to go back to the ER for a visit. So I went, not happily. Peter stayed with the kids this time and my parents came with me and Joseph. Well, they took some blood and the Dr came back in with a scared look on his face saying my blood level was horrible. 6.4 this time. So I had to be admitted. I cried again. I was so tired of this! I told them the baby would be staying or I wouldn't be and they sent me to L&D recovery and the nurse there said it was fine and they gave me a bassinett and all the baby stuff I needed. It was awesome. Then they gave me a shot of demoral and something else and started me on some more blood, 2 more units.
The next day they said I could go home and gave me my discharge papers. They took my blood pressure one more time and then took my discharge papers away. My blood pressure was 168/114 and they wouldn't let me go home. I cried again. I still had the headache too so I guess it was a good decision. The next morning my blood pressure was just as high but the headache was gone so I went home.
It's amazing how enough blood in your body can make things better. I healed so much faster and felt so much better after that. By the time I went back to Betty- my blood was still at okay levels- an 8- so higher than when I left the hospital the second time. My swelling had gone away as well and my blood pressure was almost normal. It's still higher than it was before I had Joseph but not high at all and I don't need any meds. Betty said she hardly recognized me I looked so different. I lost 30 lbs in a week and a half, lol. That's a lot of water!
So that's the story as I remember it a year later. It wasn't happy but I remember Joseph being just the sweetest baby. He was so sweet and loved to sleep on the Boppy at the hospital. I still remember those sweet blue eyes looking up at me and just staring. We made up for that 24 hours that we didn't get to bond as we wanted to in no time. I can say that he had the perfect shaped head coming out the way he did. He's still a little angel and I can't believe he is going to be 1 in a couple of days.
A year ago, baby 5 was due to be born on May 6, and we expected him to be a week later because that's the way things usually went and I always figured it was better to expect a baby to be late and be pleasantly surprised if we were lucky enough to have the baby on time. Early didn't really even cross my mind. With my previous births I had epidurals and things went so smoothly. So smoothly in fact that I decided to go with a midwife at a birthing center. I was very excited and preparing myself for this.
I never had the swelling that some women experience in my pregnancy so when my feet started to blow up, it was kind of gradual and I wasn't sure if I had really just gotten that fat or if my feet were swelling. I was pretty sure it was swelling though. I talked to my midwife about it on the phone and she stressed that I stop wearing my heels all the time, drink lots of water, and keep my feet up. I remember at my next visit, I thought my blood pressure was a little high for me. It was usually around 100/60 and this was 124/74. Still fine but high for me and that was really unusual. The next week, I had some protein in my urine, not good, and was so swollen. My hands didn't seem to be very swollen though. I could take my ring off with no problem. Hands and face seem to be what they worry the most about though. Well, my face was swollen but it was hard to tell at that point because it was so gradual. My blood pressure was much higher though. 150's/90. I was also having headaches. So I was put on bedrest and told to come back a couple of days later for a re-check. At least the baby was in a good position though! Peter was pretty worried and confined me to my bed. Betty-my midwife- had stressed to him that I be in BED, not on the couch where I would be tempted to help with something. BORING. Oh, it was terrible. I really feel for you women who had to be on bedrest for months. Two days was horrible! Peter took time off of school and stayed with me. Peter had finals coming soon and was such a sweetheart. He really knows how to take care of me. That night I felt the baby rolling big time and was afraid he'd turned around.
The night before my re-check I started having horrible pains. It wasn't like any kind of contraction I'd ever had. It was so hard to breath at all and it lasted forever. There was no gradual coming and going. I went downstairs to walk around because laying down was horrible. It got so bad and I started to worry because it just wasn't right. So I yelled for Peter for at least 5 minutes- more like 10- before he heard me and came out. He got his watch and they would last 5 minutes with less than 2 between them. But, these weren't normal so I wasn't sure what to do. The pain was up high on top of my belly. Betty said to come in if I wanted to but that there was another lady there and I didn't want to go in that early in the process anyway. We packed everything we would need for the delivery though, just in case. After about an hour, the pain went away and I went back to bed.
Early the next morning we dropped the kids off at my parents and went to see Betty. My protein levels had jumped and my blood pressure was 160's/100 now. I told her about my pains and she was worried about HELLP syndrome. She said it was probably my liver that was hurting and that she thought I was in the first stages of HELLP. Great. She said she had never seen someone this swollen before and that there was even swelling on my belly. She checked the baby and he seemed okay- only she thought he might be sideways now! Great. Lucky for us the ultrasound tech was there that day and he had a peek. Yes. The baby was back down, head and feet up. Lovely. I knew when she told me my blood pressure numbers that I would not be having this baby in the birthing center. Actually I think I knew that all along. I had a feeling during the whole pregnancy that I wouldn't get the birth I wanted. I still cried. I was so scared of a c-section. She called her collaborative OBGYN and I had to go straight to the hospital. I was hoping that they may be able to turn the baby and induce me but I think I was just dreaming at this point.
I could have gone to a hospital closert to home but I wanted to go with someone that Betty trusted because my old Dr had moved out of state and I didn't want to be harped on my a Dr about going to a midwife in the middle of all of this- especially since this had nothing to do with me going to a midwife. So I ended up in Dallas- an hour away from anyone. If I knew then what I knew now, I probably would have just come to the one close to home. I can take a little flack for more comfort and family close by.
Well, I got to the hospital and they sent me to the OR prep room. Not a good sign. I asked if they were going to attempt a version (turning the baby) and the Dr explained that she wasn't even going to attempt it with my high blood pressure and the bad shape that I was in (I think everyone was trying to be calm and I was worse off than I thought). Turning the baby when my blood vessels are so strained could cause placenta abruptia and that is bad. So, I would be having a c-section. I cried again.
I was started on a drip of magnesium sulfate- that stuff is some strong bad stuff- to stop seizures. They also took a ton of blood and had a ton of trouble doing it too. The anesthesiologist came in and told me my blood level was horribly low and I'd need a unit of blood before the surgery and one during. I guess it was supposed to be at a 14 or 15 to be considered "normal" and mine was a 7 which is usually when they give normal people a transfusion, let alone someone going into surgery. That is another symptom of HELLP. Next came the epidural. I hate those. I didn't want one in the first place and now I had to have one. I hate needles- especially really long ones that they stick in your spine. He said he had never seen someone's back so swollen before and it was hard for him to find my spine to put the needle in. It took him 2 tries to get it in the right spot. Yes, I had to go through it twice. So they got some more blood in me and Peter was dressed and ready to go and I guess I was too. They put an oxygen mask on me and I pleaded with them to get rid of it. I am slightly claustrophobic and was already nervous that I would panic during surgery with a big sheet in my face and not being able to move and the mask just made it worse. So we traded it for tubes in my nose and off we went.
Once in the OR they started wiping iodine everywhere and I could see my reflection in the big light over the table and thought I may get to watch the whole thing but they moved it at the last moment and thankfully I was spared the opportunity- I wasn't sure I was going to say anything. I did fine and didn't freak out. I thought about it but Peter and the anesthesiologist's assisitant kept me talking and I did okay. Talk about pressure though! I swear the Dr was having the hardest time getting the baby out. It felt like she was jumping on my or something. Later I found out that I have the largest uterus she's ever seen and that while they usually take it OUT OF YOUR BODY- !!!!- to sew it up, mine was too heavy so she had to do it while it was still in me. Whew! That's where it should stay in my opinion.
They lifted up a little messy baby in perfect shape at 6:30. A boy who at 2 1/2 weeks early weighed 7lbs 10oz. I wonder how big he would have been if he was on time! He was my smallest baby by 1oz. Peter brought him over so I could kiss him but I really wanted to hold him. Badly. The baby was crying really well and kept crying for a long time after. We hadn't yet decided on a name- he was early after all.
After I was all stitched up, they took me back to the room I was in before surgery to finish the magnesium drip. I had to stay laying on my back too so our first attempt at nursing was not very successful. We knew Peter needed to go home soon to get things for the other kids. He also had school the next morning and really needed to be there. I wanted him with me of course and it was hard being so far away from everyone. I had to be on the Mag for 24 hours and as long as I was on that, they wouldn't leave the baby with me because it is some seriously wicked stuff. So I got to hold my baby whenever the dumb nurse could bring him to me. It stunk big time. I think I cried most of the time I was there. Joseph wouldn't nurse very well. Usually I get some privacy to get the hang of it again and this time it was all different because my stomache hurt so badly with even a tiny baby on it. I could hardly move. I guess all the swelling made everything worse and I was all black and blue with bruises from the surgery. Every time a nurse would check the incision she would say "what did they DO to you???" You know how they push on the uterus to make sure it is shrinking, sometimes massaging it? Yeah, my first nurse tried that and it killed me. She had a tough time finding it though so she called another one in. This nurse actually said to me "Brace yourself, this is going to hurt." I held on to the bars and screamed. She just jammed her hand on me. Not even trying to be gentle. She was not allowed near me again as far as I was concerned. Can I just say that morphine is wonderful stuff. It works so quickly- just not long enough. The first nurse that gave it to me right after surgery shot it right into my IV drip all at once and left right away. It burned so badly I called her back to ask her about it. She said, yes, it did that. So when I was asked later if I wanted more I told this nurse that I wasn't sure it was worth it for how badly it hurt going in. Later I called her back to get it anyway (did you know you can have gas bubbles in your SHOULDER?? I think that was one of the most painful parts of the whole thing). She put it in slowly and it didn't hurt at all. She said, you just have to do it slowly. How mean of that first nurse!!
When it was finally time to move me, and I was finally allowed to try and walk for the first time and just about fainted so they had to wheel me everywhere. Apparently I was green, lol. I was finally able to go down to the recovery rooms and be with the baby. Unfortunately, this hospital also has rooms you have to share. I'd never been in a hospital like that before. It wasn't fun. So this was Saturday and Peter brought the kids to see me. I was too weak to visit very long and the kept wanting to jump up on the bed so they didn't stay long but it was soo good to see them. I enjoyed my quiet time with Joseph and he got used to nursing now that we could be left alone. He lost almost a pound but I managed to keep them from supplementing with formula. The next day I would be going home. I didn't think I would be ready but I wanted to go home so badly I didn't care. I felt so weak though. I tried to take a shower Sunday morning and almost fainted again. I had to ring for help and they had to wheel me back out because I couldn't walk. I don't know how they thought I was ready to go home and why they didn't check my blood first. I was still swelling. I guess that's normal for after surgery so no one but me was worried. My blood pressure was also still through the roof and no one was worried. They just said it should come down soon. I was put on some meds and after the staples were removed, was sent home. That was interesting. Some of the staples had actually turned upside down so the prongs were sticking out instead of in and had to be turned all the way around on the way out. That didn't feel good. We still hadn't named the baby! Usually the records dept is hounding us by now for the birth certificate. We ended up calling them because they hadn't even brought us the info yet. She said they close for the day in 15 minutes and we need to do it before we leave. No pressure! Peter came up with Joseph- out of the blue- and it was perfect. I though it sounded good with Wayne- my Dad's name- and I walked myself down there, holding the wall all the while to fill out the paperwork. Even now I'm surprised I made it.
The ride home was excruciating. I felt every bump. Who knew you used your stomach muscles so much just riding in the car?
My ward really helped us out. They brought delicious meals every night that week and the next. My mom came over every day that Peter was in school to help feed everyone and put Eric in his crib for his nap. He wasn't 2 yet and was having a hard time with my not being able to lift him. I tried to sleep in my bed but it wasn't working out. I couldn't get up from it in my condition. So I slept on the couch for about a month. It was easier to get in and out of and I had to do that often. It had been a week now and I wasn't feeling any better. At all. In fact I was feeling worse. I was still trying to deny it though. I wasn't sure how I should be feeling anyway after all of this. I took Joseph in to the Dr on Friday and the nurse looked at me funny, almost scared, and asked if I was going to be okay. She told me how pale I looked. I said I was fine, that I'd just had a c-section and I'd be okay. At a later visit she told me a lady had recently been in there looking just like me and had bled out all over in the bathroom. Joseph was looking great and growing well. No worries. He was such a good baby!
Later I was having some chest pain and bad headaches and my blood pressure was still high but it was when they sent me home so I wasn't sure what I should be looking for. I called Betty and she told me it looked like I needed to go back to the ER for a visit. So I went, not happily. Peter stayed with the kids this time and my parents came with me and Joseph. Well, they took some blood and the Dr came back in with a scared look on his face saying my blood level was horrible. 6.4 this time. So I had to be admitted. I cried again. I was so tired of this! I told them the baby would be staying or I wouldn't be and they sent me to L&D recovery and the nurse there said it was fine and they gave me a bassinett and all the baby stuff I needed. It was awesome. Then they gave me a shot of demoral and something else and started me on some more blood, 2 more units.
The next day they said I could go home and gave me my discharge papers. They took my blood pressure one more time and then took my discharge papers away. My blood pressure was 168/114 and they wouldn't let me go home. I cried again. I still had the headache too so I guess it was a good decision. The next morning my blood pressure was just as high but the headache was gone so I went home.
It's amazing how enough blood in your body can make things better. I healed so much faster and felt so much better after that. By the time I went back to Betty- my blood was still at okay levels- an 8- so higher than when I left the hospital the second time. My swelling had gone away as well and my blood pressure was almost normal. It's still higher than it was before I had Joseph but not high at all and I don't need any meds. Betty said she hardly recognized me I looked so different. I lost 30 lbs in a week and a half, lol. That's a lot of water!
So that's the story as I remember it a year later. It wasn't happy but I remember Joseph being just the sweetest baby. He was so sweet and loved to sleep on the Boppy at the hospital. I still remember those sweet blue eyes looking up at me and just staring. We made up for that 24 hours that we didn't get to bond as we wanted to in no time. I can say that he had the perfect shaped head coming out the way he did. He's still a little angel and I can't believe he is going to be 1 in a couple of days.
17 comments:
.....and WHAT!????!!!! Lena you are killing me.
I mena I know you live and J was born, but.................................. I am checking back in after I get back from the zoo-so get typing;)
Hee, Sorry Heather- I didn't know it posted in the middle of my writing it. Eric was pushing buttons so he must have published it early. What point did it stop?
what a horrible birth story! I'm glad you're better now!
Oh. My. Word.
You might possibly be my new hero. :-)
So sorry it was such a painful and frustrating experience but I bet J is worth it, right? :-)
I've loved catching up on your life and seeing your pics . . .I'll be back for more!
I am so sorry you had to go through all of that! Jackson was a hard birth too... the nice doctor left the placenta in. Mine wasn't as bad as yours, thank goodness because I don't think i could have handled it. Sometimes I wish you could just really speak your mind to the nurses. Especially when they aren't very soft or nice. :) I am so glad that you have recovered so well, and that you and the baby are healthy. Thanks for sharing your story & faith with all of us. love ya Melissa
wow! that sounds terrible. melissa was an emergency c-section too. spent 6 weeks at cooks childrens medical center in the nicu room. needless to say whenever i really start to think about it esp at her birthday i break down. i know i am not strong enough to go through it again which is why we only have the one. we are lucky she made it and the thought of trying for more seems so selfish the thought of not being so lucky a second time around is just way too much for me. but i am glad that things eventually came out good, you have a gorgeous son
Hey, Lena. Thanks for sharing your story. I know I heard bits and pieces of it (in the hall at Stake Conference, I'm sure!) but hadn't heard the whole story. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I cried as I was reading it - it was very close to home, as you know! And yeah, unless you been on mag sulfate, you could never possibly understand how AWFUL that stuff is.
Happy birthday to your sweet baby.
Your story still makes me tear up. Glad you got through it.
God Bless you Lena. WOW! I knoew you were amazing, but phew.
Happy Birthday to Joseph.
with us she was scheduled to be induced on oct 16 we went in the 13 due to excrutiating pain that i thought could not be contractions because they werent coming in a pattern but patrick said lets go anyways. they checked me out said yes you are in labor but youll be here all day get comfortable i think i was dialted to a 2. they got the fetal monitor set up and completely lost the heart rate with every contraction. within 45 mins of showing up at the hospital she was born. and i had 7 epidural attempts. painful. so many infact that spinal fluid was actually leaking and i had spinal headaches for about a week to where anytime my head was not flat i was crying in pain. i had to finally spend a night in the er to get rid of those. she had meconium aspiration and couldnt breathe, umblical cord three times around her neck too. care flighted. and it was a miracle she didnt have surgery that first night to bypass all of her blood flow away from the lungs. or something i was pretty hazy on the details. i finally got to hold her for the first time when she was 7 days old and was never allowed to breast feed her. once she finally got off of the ventilators and about a million other machines she wasnt eating on her own. they said she was lactose intolerant and had acid reflux disease. it was one fight after another with the nurses and doctors and finally after 6 weeks of begging and pleading they let us take her home with a feeding tube still attached and a nurse coming by three times a week. we talked to the pedi about everything and he said to just try the regular formula. we did guess what not lactose intolerant. she eats cheese all day long. we talked about the acid refux the hospital said she had to eat 90cc every 3 hours our doc said at least75cc every 4 hours for survival. we went his route and within a week she was completely off the feeding tube. basically a nightmare experience that gave me such incredible postpartum depression. not something that i want to do ever again although i do wonder about my decision everytime i see melissa playing with little babies. so who knows maybe some day?
Ok. I feel like a total jerk, because I am right here and I had no idea how bad things were for you! I'm so sorry that I didn't do more for you.
Time really does fly by. I can't believe he's just about 1!
It's amazing how the mind lets things go. It still stings when I think of the whole experience- especially the Friday that I was alone and unable to hold Joseph- that was the worst. But I know that so many people have had it worse than me (Andrea and your friend Monique!) and I'm grateful that both of us came out unscathed. I like to think that I went through this so that I will be able to help my girls or someone else if they have to go through something similar. It helps thinking maybe I can help someone else one day.
April- don't worry, you aren't a jerk ;) I'm learning that not many people knew what was going on at the time. I can't blame anyone but me for that! Donna did a great job making sure that I was being taken care of when I got home. lol, now I'll talk anyone's ear off about it but I don't think anyone wants to hear it anymore.
hi lena -- beautiful overall. you are blessed. and those last two photos of him are angelic. so true what you said.
**hugs sweetie** beany
You know, I don't think it really matters to what degree it happens. (Well, of course it matters each of us individually, but I mean overall...) No one should have to feel such deep pain, fear and sorrow with the birth of their child. For any reason. But I guess the fact is that some of us do. And it can either make you stronger and more grateful... or it can break you. And I've seen both. And I think it's made us stronger.
[Oh, and it can also make you a big fat cry baby - especially on their birthdays!]
Very very true Andrea.
I remember reading that the first time Lena, didn't differ too much, but the first one rambled a bit i guess, like you said this time, you were highly upset when u wrote it.
He is adorable, and a blessing. Glad you are still with us:)) Hope to talk to anand see you againsoon!
whew. You made it through such an emotional roller coaster. My heart ached for you just re-reading that! Hugs :) and what a blessing you're both here & happy to keep going.
Post a Comment